Random poetry

Here i stand
feeling vulnerable
open
empty.
Who am i?

Real talk

"Today you are You, that is truer than true.  There is no one alive who is Youer than You."
~ Dr. Seuss

Hey, Mama.  I saw you today.
Feeling Lonely.
Unappreciated.
Inadequate.
Maybe your teenager screamed at you.  "I hate you!"
Maybe your significant other looked at you askance.
Maybe your toddler wiped out and got hurt when your back was turned.
Or maybe it's just that mountain of laundry waiting to be done.
I hear similar sentiments from women on the regular.  Daily, we give our families the best of ourselves.
Our time.
Our energy.
Our love.
Our sleep.
Dear, sweet sleep.
Yet still, we are selling ourselves short.
"I used to be smart."

"I'm a rotten housekeeper."
"I'm so overweight."
"Who even am I?"
Ladies, you are good enough.
Your love is enough.
Is your family fed?
Clothed?
Housed?
You. are. enough.
Your teenager who screamed at you today?  She did that because you have created an environment in which she feels safe expressing herself, and all those big feelings that she doesn't yet know how to appropriately convey.
The significant other who gave you the side-eye?  You are not responsible for his feelings.
Toddlers fall, y'all.  You couldn't have stopped it if you'd been right there.
You are enough.
All that information you "used to" know?  It's still there.  You just don't need it in your daily life, so your brain pushed it to the back to make room for the information you DO need.
Cleaning with small humans in the house is fruitless.  You're working way harder for that semblance of order than your mother, because there's no one running along behind her wrecking everything she just did.
So what if you don't have the same figure you did when you were 16?  You grew those little people inside your body!  Cut yourself some slack, Mama!
You're still you.
And you are enough.
I am enough.
And I will have some very colorful words for anyone who tells us otherwise.
Ladies, we are in a season.  As they say:  The days are long, but the years are short.  I have a little baby who will be celebrating her 18th birthday in one short month to confirm that statement.  I'm not going to tell you to enjoy it, or that you'll miss them when they're gone.  You're not going to miss that toddler screeching all day long.  Frankly, you probably won't remember it that much.  Selective memory is a beautiful thing.
What I am going to tell you is that you. are. enough.
Hold on to the little joys.
Love fiercely.
Dance.
Sing.
Write.
Or whatever else it is that recharges your batteries.
Sleep as much as you can.
And remember that you are enough.

Alphabet scavenger hunt

Acorn cap

Beetle

Caterpillar

Dandelion

Eggshell

Feather

Green

Honeysuckle

 

 

 

Ivy

June bug

Knotty

Lake

Mushrooms

Nature trail

Oak leaf

Pecan

 

Quack

Root

Snail

Turtles

Underbrush

Vines

White

eXamine

Yellow

Zachariah!

Annual family pictures

Every year since having Zachariah we've had family pictures taken in the fall.  I LOVE it, and really wish we'd started sooner.  This year, I drug my feet booking a photographer, and we pushed it later in the year.  Corwin was NOT impressed with the weather.

YUP.  That pretty much set the tone for the session.  Mom fail.  Amazingly enough, our fabulous photographer managed to coax a decent picture or two out of us, and Zachariah stole the show, as always.

The girls even had a moment or two of getting along.

And my boys...

I mean, seriously.

Don't worry, Corwin wasn't completely miserable the entire time.

As in life, some days are going to be relatively effortless, and others are just gonna be

.

But, it usually comes back around in the end.

2014 in pictures

2014 was full of...

FAMILY

 

My sweet Daddy turned 80 just 2 1/2 weeks after Corwin's birth.

 

 

FRIENDS

This is our babywearing group.  I love them all so much!

 

 

 

FUN

Bedtime during one of our weekend getaways to Austin.

 

 

FIRSTS

The very first thing Zachariah bought with his own money

First time fishing!

First day of school, and Ana's first day of high school

Corwin's first Halloween

 

AND LASTS

 

 

BABYWEARING

 

 

 

 

BREASTFEEDING

This one was probably taken in 2013, so it's a bit of a cheat, but I nursed Zachariah for more than half the year and have exactly zero pictures.  :'(

 

 

Watch out for that shark!

BROKEN THINGS, CHANGED PLANS, AND LOST LOVED ONES

A week after Corwin was born, the washer died with a full load of dirty diapers in it.  Yuck!

That Expedition.  What can I say?  It lasted 13 months, and cost a small fortune to keep running.  Finally, one month after Corwin was born, the engine gave up the ghost.  We were following the advice of a very well known financial guru by paying cash for a car.  Having a car payment would have been a much better choice.

My only attempt at a homebirth turned cesarean.  Still wouldn't change a thing.

I will always regret not going to say goodbye to Brandy.  But cancer. And babies. Sleep sweet, my dear friend.

AND SO MANY HATS

 

 

 

Yes, 2014 felt a bit like Mr Toad's Wild Ride.  Sometimes lovely and scenic, others crashing recklessly through the wall.  A large part of it, apparently, spent in this pink dress.

I have a closet full of clothes with nothing to wear.  lol

Overall, I still feel like there were far more smiles than tears, and now we're on to a new year.

Corwin is becoming quite the night owl and rang in the new year with a drink of his own.

I haven't made any resolutions in 15 years.  I think I've mentioned that once or twice.  ;)  This year, it's time. I'm a planner by nature, and need to have goals to reach for, however mundane.  In 2015...

I will not waste my energy on people who do not equally value my time and energy.
I will watch TV less, and eat at the table more.
I will dance every day, even if it's just for a minute while I'm brushing my teeth.

Three goals.  I can do this.
Happy New Year, everyone!